Series 1 Episode 1 – Opening Night

 

Series 1 – Episode 1

Opening Night

First Broadcast – 14 January 2001

The opening scene from Phoenix Nights. The opening scene from Phoenix Nights.

Having had two previous clubs burn down, while one flood. It is the opening day of Brian Potter’s new club, the Phoenix. With “TV’s own Roy Walker” opening the club that night, Brian wants everything to be perfect. Having to contend with a power cut that leaves the club in the dark, a German-speaking “Das Boot” arcade machine, Max the doorman injuring himself and racist folk band “Half A Shilling”. These factors soon ruin everything.

Series 1 Episode 2 – Wild West Night

 

Series 1 – Episode 2

Wild West Night

First Broadcast – 21 January 2001

The characters surround the captain following his death. The characters surround the captain following his death.

The new DJ Ray Von accidentally kills The Captain with his home-made smoke machine. Things go from bad to worse when two men in overalls walk in off the street and steal the television set, with all of the staff doing nothing about it, except for Kenny Senior who kindly hands them the remote control. A warped Snooker table is replaced by a bucking bronco, which leads to a Wild West Night being held. It’s a huge success, until Jerry’s blatantly rigged shoot out between Lancashire and Yorkshire gets violent and a drunken horse tries to have sex with the bucking bronco.

Series 1 Episode 3 – Disco Inferno

 

Series 1 – Episode 3

Disco Inferno

First Broadcast – 28 January 2001

Keith Lard, fire safety officer. Keith Lard, fire safety officer.

Jerry St. Clair has booked psychic medium Clinton Baptiste for the club, who had been recommended by Den Perry. Brian and Jerry then have to attend a fire safety seminar with Keith Lard, who was arrested for “interfering” with dogs, but was acquitted due to lack of evidence. After the meeting, Lard tells Brian he will be inspecting the club immediately to ensure it meets safety standards. Jerry and Brian rush back to the club before Keith inspects it, but a run-in with the police delays them and Keith shuts the club down for being unsafe. Brian blackmails Lard with a faked photo of Lard’s head on the body of a semi-nude man (with a dog) so that he re-opens the club, but the event they re-open for, the psychic night, forces Brian to refund all of his guests after Clinton Baptiste, the psychic tells a bit more about the future than the guests would like.

 

Series 1 Episode 4 – Singles Night

 

Series 1 – Episode 4

Singles Night

First Broadcast – 4 February 2001

Brian's romantic interest, Beverley. Brian’s romantic interest, Beverley.

It’s ‘Singles Night’ at the Phoenix club, and the club’s house band, Les Alanos, and doormen Max and Paddy are all looking. Brian is the most successful, though, when he accidentally runs over a woman’s foot before buying her a drink and talking the night away. Throughout the episode, their relationship progresses, until she (Beverley) reveals to Brian that she works for the DSS and was sent to investigate him for fraudulent disability claims. Despite Beverley’s assertions that her feelings for him are genuine, Brian finishes with her. Elsewhere, Paddy strikes up a relationship with Holy Mary’s daughter Mary.

 

Series 1 Episode 5 – Robot Wars

 

Series 1 – Episode 5

Robot Wars

First Broadcast – 11 February 2001

Jerry being inspected at the hospital. Jerry being inspected at the hospital.

Jerry is in hospital. Before Brian argues with Jerry’s decision to host an alternative comedy night, the comedy night turns out to be a disaster, with none of the entrants being any good. At the end of it all, Jerry has a heated confrontation with a student who had been heckling him, until he threatens to hit Jerry and all of the staff stick up for him. Elsewhere, Ray Von hosts a Robot Wars tournament, which is won by Max and Paddy, who are using a robot built by Ray, who has a penchant for electronics. At the end of the episode, a man called Dougie offers Jerry a job on a cruise ship.

Series 1 Episode 6 – Talent Trek Finals

 

Series 1 – Episode 6

Talent Trek Finals

First Broadcast – 18 February 2001

Brian's burning boy. Brian’s burning boy.

Jerry gets an all-clear. However, Brian tells him to keep pretending to be ill because the club got the rights to host Talent Trek as Brian told the organizers that Jerry is dying. Tensions boil when Brian has to hire a Right Said Fred tribute band called ‘Right Said Frank’ for the grand finale due to Les Alanos performing a Karate Kid musical with the local youth club on the same night. Right Said Frank end up stealing stereos from all the cars parked outside. Brian then ‘reveals’ to the audience that Jerry has got an all-clear for his illness. Despite everything, Jerry can’t bring himself to leave the club and turns down the cruise ship job offer. The series concludes with Den Perry, outraged at the success of the Phoenix Club, setting it on fire.

 

Series 2 Episode 1 – Brian Gets Everyone Back Together

 

Series 2 – Episode 1

Brian Gets Everyone Back Together

First Broadcast – 8 August 2002

The characters see the Phoenix Club in flames. The characters see the Phoenix Club in flames.

Brian and the staff watch the club burn to the ground, with Jerry managing to rescue Brian’s little disabled boy-shaped charity box. After the flames are put out, a fireman reveals the fire was caused by a discarded cigarette or cigar, leading Brian to believe Den Perry was responsible. Brian then has to appear in court due to his breach of fire and safety regulations and as a result his alcohol licence is revoked and he is blacklisted by the breweries. A broken man, Brian dreams of rebuilding the Phoenix Club. On his trip to Asda, he finds Jerry and Alan singing to promote products. Brian begs Jerry to help him to rebuild the Phoenix but Jerry rebuffs him and tells him to forget about the Phoenix. Still undeterred, Brian travels to Blackpool to visit an old friend, Frank Cartwright (played by Jim Bowen), owner of the Hotel “Le Ponderosa”, who tells him to sell bottles and cans to get around the ban, get a licensee whom he can manipulate and have lots of facilities under one roof. Brian then goes around to find all of the staff, including Les working as a butcher, Kenny Senior as a lollipop man, Ray Von at a fairground and Holy Mary in church. Brian succeeds in bringing all of them together to discuss his plans, and convinces Jerry to become the new licensee.

 

Series 2 Episode 2 – Family Fun Day

 

Series 2 – Episode 2

Family Fun Day

First Broadcast – 15 August 2002

Sammy the snake. Sammy the snake.

Reconstruction is going quite well, and a fun day is organised to raise awareness of the rebuilding. However, an inflatable that resembles an erect penis is all but rejected by Potter so it is fastened to the ground and covered up. Unfortunately, the penis escapes from its cover and explodes, shocking everyone who is spending their money. Furthermore, a botched face-painting job leaves Young Kenny with a permanent tiger face. Elsewhere, Max and Paddy go to France to stock up on booze while unwittingly picking up two Chinese immigrants in the process.

Series 2 Episode 3 – Crimetime

 

Series 2 – Episode 3

Crimetime

First Broadcast – 22 August 2002

Brian Potter on Crimetime. Brian Potter on Crimetime.

Club rival Den Perry advertises in the local paper about a big event happening at his Banana Grove club, which annoys Potter. So he has the idea of getting his own free publicity by re-creating the club fire for the TV show “CrimeTime”. Changes are made throughout the club to make it look good for the TV crew, but the TV appearance is a disaster when Brian loses it after he believes that he is being accused of burning the club down himself. Elsewhere, Spencer is hired for the vacant bar job.

 

Series 2 Episode 4 – Quiz Night

 

Series 2 – Episode 4

Quiz Night

First Broadcast – 29 August 2002

Spencer, Kenny and Spencer, Kenny and “young” Kenny at the quiz.

Brian comes across two Japanese people promoting their new lager, and offers them a chance to promote it in the club, an offer they accept. A pub quiz is arranged, with the winner taking home a year’s supply of the lager. Both Brian and Den Perry enter teams to try and win it. Brian’s team wins, but his victory is short-lived when it turns out the lager is non-alcoholic. In the other suite, Jerry’s medication binge gets the better of him and he loses it on stage, which causes him to go into the next suite and urinate everywhere, shocking the customers.